Beauty in the Journey

I was asked recently why I still workout. They commented that if they had my figure, they wouldn’t worry about it. She went on to say she would actually feel confident. Side question: how does one even respond to that? “Thank you?” Anyways, two thoughts came to mind with this passing comment.

First, I have had some of the lowest confidence in this body size. Someone once asked me what I liked about myself, and I couldn’t answer- not even an internal feature came to mind. I actually weighed less than I do now at the time. Through therapy, I’ve come to place where I can list things. It was a hard-fought battle with journaling and reflection. Working out played a part in that journey too. Being able to look in the mirror and say, “I look pretty”, is a huge deal for me. I remember the day I told my therapist I felt beautiful- she had tears in her eyes. That’s how hard on myself I was, and I was a size four while doing it. A small size doesn’t automatically equal confidence.

Second, working out has little to do with reaching a certain size or gaining a six-pack for me. it has everything to do with showing myself how strong I am. I’m able to workout my stress and leave it behind in the form of sweat on the mat, supporting my body through movement. I’m showing my kids how to care for the one body we’ve been given- by example. Sure, it’s fun to see all my hard work showing on my body, but it’s not the goal. it’s just the byproduct of what I’m doing. Working out is an investment in the future me- the one who wants to play with potential grandkids on the floor. That starts today, in the gym.

Her comment is one variation I’ve received many times over the years. I was once thirty pounds heavier, so I understand where it comes from. However, I’ve learned that we have to build our confidence on more than just the external. True confidence comes from the inside out. It shines so much brighter! It won’t fade as we age; it will carry us through all the stages of life.